Thursday, July 2, 2009

Slaying Spiders

I do not love my newly acquired responsibility of slaying my own spiders. At all. Not even a little. I cannot tolerate spiders in any way, shape or form. In the next life God and I are going to have a pretty serious sit-down conversation about a thing or two; spiders are on the list. Don't even get me started on the ridiculousness of those spider freaks who actually take them back outside when they find them indoors, instead of just smashing them. Sorry siblings, but they are hardly endangered creatures and if they are in my house, they are uninvited intruders. Those get smashed 'round these parts. Anyway...

So I was just moments ago moving some framed pictures to another part of the house. When I lifted the very last one away from the wall I was horrified to see an enormous spider lurking where the picture had just been. Oh the dilemma I was faced with...smash it with a paper towel or suck it up with the vacuum perched mere inches away...

Right now it must be said that I really enjoy vacuuming. I respect my vacuum. In a matter of a nano second beautiful images of me twirling with my vacuum in a field of wild flowers flooded my mind--only to be disparaged by a monstrous spider climbing out of the vacuum hose and devouring me right in front of the frolicking bunnies and doves. Clearly the situation would have to be remedied with a paper towel...

I dashed to the kitchen for supplies and ran back to the dining room before the nasty thing could eat my baby, pouncing on it with my wad of paper towels like only a mother defending her young would do. A blood curdling scream escaped my lips as the spider tried to run for safety, leaving two of its legs behind. The legs.kept.moving.

Turns out that a blood curdling scream is one of the few sounds that will startle 7 and 4 year old boys from a video game daze. Of course they wanted to know what the commotion was all about. When I got to the part about the spider's legs moving without their formerly attached body, Hunter burst into little-boy-turned-mad-scientist laughter. "That's really creepy...and funny!"

A new spider slayer in the making?

12 comments:

Quin's momma said...

Brenda, Brenda, Brenda....I am taken back to the college apartment days. I had to kill all the spiders & you had to get the trashy- rodents. Invest in a can of spray.....suffocate those boogers! Spawn of Satan, that's what they are.

Brooke said...

Oh I totally get you on the hating spiders!! When we were first married, I was downstairs in the basement and saw a spider, just saw it, and let out a horrific scream (or so I am told. I don't think it was that bad), that sent Eric flying down the stairs expecting to find me with a missing appendage or at least bleeding profusely. He was slightly disgusted with me when he learned the real reason for my scream. I HAVE improved a little however. But they are just creepy, nasty things!

- lola jae said...

seriously, let him take care of them from now on!

Sami said...
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Sami said...

YUCK!!! I HATE spiders!! They are so creepy looking. Sounds like Hunter is going to take after his Dad when it comes to those creepy creatures. Better hide the BB gun!!!!! :)

Angela said...

I am so with you on this one! I.HATE.SPIDERS!!! You should read many of my spider posts to feed the fears or just laugh at me!! Ugh....*insert spine tingling shiver+ HATE THEM!!!

April Dawn said...

Hey, in my defense Ionly started taking them outside because I got tired of cleaning up the mess. And the last few times I tried to smash a spider, I smashed my thumb first. If it makes you feel any better, I still kill brown recluses (aka fiddle backs).

Jeremy said...

Lol thats the best thing I've heard all day. Just remember some spiders are good for killing the more dangerous ones. Ahh who cares forget it. Kill them! after all your a mother protecting your young. Wow, sounds like the Animal Kingdom... I can just picture Brenda, a vacuum and her three little cubs...In a feild of flowers. Lol

Frankie and Krista said...

You can call me to kill the spiders. Frankie does!!!

Mom said...
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Mom said...

my previous post was "deleted" due to a spelling error. Anyway I just wondered what you would do if it were something really dangerous...

Christopher said...

I'll do you one better than the "take them outside" faction of the family--our household lets them be! The only way anything is done about a spider is if it is dangerous--aka Brown Recluse or Fiddleback. Otherwise, it's free to roam because it's only going where it's food is... Now cockroaches on the otherhand, they die instantly when I see them! It's like a Medusa effect or something--ha!