Once again I left town and forgot to mention that I'd be absent for a bit. I'm sure your week was unbelievably dull without my two cents...
I am writing this post on an airplane barf bag. Classy, eh? I'm not sure what it's made out of, a stretchy plastic something. When I first started writing I was loving the boldness of my
Papermate Profile pen on the crisp white bag. But now my ink keeps skipping across the surface, breaking the flow of my writing and it's kinda irritating. Oh well. Won't be the worst thing that's ever happened to me.
I like the aisle seat and I don't like to sit in small spaces next to people I don't know. Cooties. As this is my 9
th flight in the last few months I have developed an almost fool-proof system for keeping the middle seat on my row vacant. It has only failed me once. I check in online the minute the clock hits 24 hours before departure-not a minute later-so I have the best chance of getting exactly the seat I want when I board. When I get on, I choose an aisle seat as close to the front of the plane as possible. The window seats fill quickly but the closer I am to the front of the plane the less likely it is that the middle seat will be taken. When other people get on, they are all still hoping for window or aisle, so they keep moving toward the back of the plane. Half way back they realize they are out of luck, but since swimming upstream feels unnatural for all but salmon, they keep going-filling the middle seats from the back first. This is no exception. I'm sitting in an aisle seat, someone else is in the window seat and the middle seat is empty. Voila! No cooties. It also helps not to make eye-contact with people as they board, though that isn't very friendly.
Tonight I believe that the woman in the
window seat on
my row is experiencing a first. The chick in the
aisle seat on
her row has been crying for the past hour. That's me. Window seat lady is trying to be subtle, but I can see her trying to sneak a peek out of the corner of her right eye. I wonder what she thinks is wrong with me. Lost my job maybe? Boyfriend dumped me? Underwear's too tight? If you have an imagination, the possibilities for why a person could be sitting on an airplane crying really are endless. I wonder if she has an imagination...
Not quite 2 weeks after Matt died Brigham's school had a "Family Fun Night". My friend's husband was out of town, so we decided it might be good for my kids to get out of the house and feel like normal kids for awhile and off we went. It was a strange experience for me: sitting in the cafeteria eating pizza and playing bingo and looking into the faces of the people around me. Faces of people who were completely unaware that my husband was dead, that the little boys with me lost their father and that the baby in my bulging belly would grow up in a world that to him never included his father. It was a surreal moment, sitting in that crowded room when our wound was so fresh. It feels just as fresh sitting here on this plane almost 7 months later.
When I look at the people around me I have no idea what their struggles may be. Possibly they are alcoholics and drug addicts. They have eating disorders, they've lost their jobs or their homes or their retirement funds. They've had a miscarriage recently or they are aching for their spouse who is overseas. They feel unloved or uncared for. They are abused in their homes. Maybe no one helps them with their homework or tucks them in at night. Of course there might not be an ounce of drama in their lives, but I don't know that. I am the only one sitting here crying, but I am not the only one struggling. I feel humbled by that.